"There's coming a day...What a day, glorious day that will be!" But this is today. And today I say - "This is the day the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it"
We were in a nice lake house near lake Texoma where I could daily take beautiful walk in the "wilderness" :-) I had a nice path right down to the water that started just steps away from my back door. Being surrounded with nature and such beauty was invigorating. Although there was no internet connection in the house it was available only a short drive - about 20 miles - to the library, where I could surf to my heart's content. Although, I didn't use the resources there as much as I could or should have. I was constantly getting side-tracked, my curious nature getting the best of me. There were walks to take, trails to explore, and curious roads that beckoned to me.
I often started out going to the library, the store, or even the gas station and saw an interesting road. I would start to wonder where it went, but wouldn't wonder for long. ...I would already be on my way to find out! But this isn't old age or a new hobby. I've always wondered what's "on the other side of the hill" or "around the curve". My husband of 70 years - he went ahead of me to heaven 2015 - used to shake his head at my curiosity, and say, "woman sometimes you just drive me nuts with all your questions!"
I may have driven him nuts sometimes but we wouldn't have traded those times for anything. He didn't always admit it, but he got a big kick out of my "mangled" English, which by the way I still have a tendency to do. While on one of my recent jaunts I saw this beautiful pasture and stopped my car just to enjoy the view. I saw the cows grazing and their babies meandering, overhead these huge, ugly birds - turkey vultures - soared and swooped. I had to watch for a while. When I got home I told my daughter, "You should have seen this huge flock of beef ...hundreds of them I had to stop and look!"
She said, "wait, what? Flock of beef?" Needless to say I had to back up and rephrase like I did numerous times with Del, my husband. The memory of those silly times, when I misspoke or even made up words accidentally brought a smile to my face. I have had so many good times, many adventures, and so much shared laughter. I cherish those memories and all the good times I shared with Del.
Shortly after, I read something on line that struck me deeply. It was sentiment on how losing a spouse affects the widow. Following are some of the quotes:
You lose self esteem.
You lose confidence.
You lose self-worth.
EVERY. SINGLE. THING. CHANGES.
It's the hardest, most gut-wrenching, horrific, life altering of things to live with....End of quotes.
It stayed with me, but not because I could relate, quite the opposite. I have so many fun memories with my husband and am trying to remember them all and writing it all down to share with my kids :-) Yes he is gone, yet so here, I find myself smiling. I have none of the above quotes to deal with. Yes, at first it was hard, but
because "There's coming a day, when no heartaches shall come...What a day, glorious day that will be..."
It is my choice to dance, rain or shine... and dance I shall.